7 Ways Depressed People Love Differently

By Laura Lifshitz

Remember: It's complicated, but it's not about you.

I'm so thankful to not be depressed. Depression might just be one of the worst things ever because it's as if you're sinking no matter how hard you try to swim to the surface. It's as if you're bound and gagged and no matter what knife you use to slice the bounds, you can't.

I'm what they call a bubbly, effervescent woman, but I've experienced depression in my life. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 14.8 million American adults have Major Depressive Disorder per year. That's a lot of people.

So, whether you've been depressed for a few days, during a traumatic incident or breakup, for months or years, or perhaps you haven't been depressed but know someone who has, chances are you've loved someone with depression before. Or been the depressed lover, as it were.

Here are some ways your depressed lover may love you differently than another:

1. We will sometimes emotionally retreat.

Depression is a tricky beast. Your lover may retreat from you due to no fault of your own in order to come with some pretty sad feelings, only to randomly return. And sometimes it may seem as if there's no rhyme or reason to this pattern.

Know this: it's not your fault. Your partner may retreat simply so you don't have to deal with his or her unpleasant feelings and return when the person feels able to give him or herself without dumping a rainy parade on your head. It's best to give your depressed partner the room to retreat as long as he or she can return without serious intervention.

If your partner is retreating to succumb to a dangerous level of depression, this is when you need to step in. One should only be allowed to wallow for so long before it becomes a huge issue.

2. We may not want sex as often as we used to.

A depressed lover may need less sex because he or she has a low sex drive, or your "blue" mate may seek out more sex to fulfill washing away that sad and dull feeling courtesy of depression. The former scenario is more common than the latter, but quite a few depressed lovers seek sex as therapeutic and will want a lot of touch, foreplay, and sex.

This is fine as long as the person isn't seeking it outside of the relationship or to avoid dealing with uncomfortable feelings like a sex addiction. On the flip side, if your depressed partner doesn't want to have sex this can be very hard on you. Talk to your partner openly about this and pay attention to your despondent lover's bedroom habits.

3. We may seek out a shoulder to cry on that isn't you.

Back in the day when I felt depressed, I had people I went to because I felt comfortable speaking to them about my lethargic mood. Your lover may decide this is you ... or not. Don't be mad. As long as your partner has someone to confide in so he or she can get past this down mood swing, that's the most important.

It would be nice if this person was you but perhaps it's better for your better half to unload on someone else — that way you don't feel as if the relationship is more of a therapy-patient scenario.

4. We will experience mood swings.

I have friends and have dated men whose depression seemed to come out of nowhere, like some terroristic mood attack on their brains. Don't be surprised if your partner is happy-go-lucky one minute and then the next day, slowly sinking into the fog of depression.

Sudden mood swings between elation and lows could be manic depression, and that's not when I'm talking about. A depressed partner may seem fine and then start to drift into a sad state. Doing things to keep your partner active and less-stressed is key, but most importantly, your partner should be able to recognize the impending depression and trying to prevent being bogged down in its claws.

But if someone is severely depressed, he or she is going to have an immensely hard time doing that. You'll have to be patient if you want to deal with this.

5. We are empathetic toward others with mental health problems.

Your depressed paramour will most likely be an empathetic and kind lover. Knowing what it's like to deal with a mental health issue, your partner has a different outlook on life than Miss Mary Sunshine, which is a good thing — as long as the person isn't emo 24/7.

6. We are great listeners.

A depressed lover can be a great listener simply because he or she has spent so many hours attentively listening to the sad and not-so sad voices in his or her head, dueling out reason. Your depressed lover will want to be by your side, as he or she knows how hard it is for anyone to understand his or her own dark thoughts.

7. We can be selfish sometimes.

On the flip side, your great listener/depressed partner can sometimes be selfish. He or she doesn't mean to be, but depression has this nasty way of making you feel as if it's just you locked in your own world, with your own morbid thoughts. It's hard to see someone else's perspective when trapped in your insular world of depression.

No matter how sad or blue your partner is today, be a supportive partner and see the value in your lover's life experiences. And chances are, this depression too shall pass.

source: www.yourtango.com

7 Mental Illness Myths People Still Believe

Can we all just stop?

Lindsay Holmes    Healthy Living Editor, The Huffington Post    09/02/2015 

Mental illness stigma can lead to a multitude of false beliefs -- and it's about time to set the record straight. Negative stereotypes create a lot of misconceptions, which further alienate people in a community that already feels isolated.

The many fallacies that surround mental health disorders can make managing them all the more difficult -- after all, research suggests stigma acts as a barrier to treatment. Below are just a few of the myths no one should believe about mental illness.

Myth 1: It's contagious.

To bust this myth, it's important to understand the difference between feelings and mental health disorders. Mental illness sufferers experience a spectrum of emotions, but this is a byproduct of brain chemistry and other possible factors that led to a diagnosis.

Though studies suggest that emotions -- particularly stressful ones -- are contagious, mental illness is not. It does not operate the same as the cold or flu, circulating through a scientific process of spreading germs.

Despite this knowledge, many people still believe mental illness can be spread. A 2014 paper published in the journal Memory & Cognition found that people believe mental illness can be communicable from one person to another. This belief is unfounded and most certainly false, not to mention it could also lead to feelings of isolation for those who have mental illness.

Myth 2: Mental illness is an indication of violence.

Many people still blame mental illness for horrific tragedies like the recent shooting of two journalists in Virginia, perpetuating a stigma that's not easy to shed. But here's the reality: A mental health disorder does not mean that someone is going to commit a violent act. In fact, a 2014 study found that people with mental health issues are more likely to be victims of violent crimes than the ones committing them.

Myth 3: It's uncommon.

Wrong. Approximately one in four people worldwide will experience a mental health issue at some point in their life. That makes it very likely that someone you know will suffer from a psychological disorder.

Myth 4: Mental illness is "all in your head."

There's still a common belief in society that someone with anxiety can "just calm down" or someone with depression can "snap out of it," as if they can choose to have an episode come or go. That's simply not true. There are very real physical symptoms. Someone who suffers from depression may see changes in appetite, headaches and indigestion and someone who experiences anxiety may endure cardiovascular problems, stomach issues and a weakened immune system.

Myth 5: You can't recover from mental health issues.

Mental illness isn't one-size-fits-all, which means treatment varies for everyone. Therapy, medications and outside support are all useful tools in managing a mental health disorder and helping an individual lead a healthy and productive life.

"Depression is a treatable disorder," HuffPost's mental health editor Lloyd Sederer, the medical director of the New York State Office of Mental Health, wrote in a blog last year. "Like any serious illness, it takes comprehensive, ongoing, scientifically based care, an effective working patient-clinician relationship, and the support and patience of loving others."

Myth 6: Mental illness stems from a bad childhood.

Life circumstances certainly can play a role, but other factors also have an influence on mental health disorders. Take anxiety, for example: "It's not that having a difficult childhood is completely unrelated, but having a difficult childhood can be related to all kinds of things, not just anxiety," Joseph Bienvenu, an associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Johns Hopkins University, previously told HuffPost. "Some people have great childhood and still have anxiety."

Research suggests that some mental health disorders may be caused by chemical imbalances in the body. Seasonal Affective Disorder, which affects nearly 10 million people at certain points of the year, fluctuates based on seasonal changes.

Myth 7: You can't help someone suffering from a mental health disorder.

Loved ones are paramount in helping someone with a mental illness get treatment. According to a recent nationwide mental health analysis, social support plays a large role when it comes to intervening or preventing suicide.

"It requires a little reflection and thought to be supportive," Gregory Dalack, chair of the department of psychiatry at the University of Michigan, previously told HuffPost. "Family members, friends and significant others have an opportunity to help in a way that's not judgmental -- even if it's just helping them get to appointments, take medications or stick to a daily routine."

source: www.huffingtonpost.com