Battling Demons

I am struggling.

I am struggling to keep going.

I am trying to focus on positive things
... but the negative voices - my insecurities are winning the battle right now.

I am trying to focus on gratitude ... but my thoughts are dominated by how alone I am.

My apathy consumes me ... no passion ... no ambition ... no energy ...
The physical manifestation is crippling ...
I just want to stay here and hide.

I have to force myself to carry on

My thoughts betray me. They keep forcing me back to my state of weakness.

Despite my intelligence. 

Despite my knowledge. 

Despite my research.

Despite my exercise, my diet, my suppliments
... despite my every effort to be strong, competent, successful ...

so alone