it's easier just to hide
Many mornings, I want to just stay in bed. the list of things that have to be done in order to be "normal" becomes overwhelming. All the tasks that need to be addressed before I am presentable and functioning are paralyzingly monumental.
the rat race
I can now relate to some of the homeless people I see on the street. Depression can take you to the brink of dropping out ... of not being able to go on ... to not being able to function as required ... as expected ... as a cog in the wheel of society that is the rat race.
it's all just too much
fillthekettle boilthewater makesometea eatsomebreakfast shavemyface cleantheshaver brushmyteeth takesomevitamins haveashower getdressed drivetowork interactwithothers ... and that's just the start of the day ... all the energy and ambition it takes to do all that is something I simply do not have.
so I am left feeling weak and inferior
Having to drop out of society to recover isn't my choice. I want to be at work .... I want to feel like I'm contributing and productive ... I simply don't have the stamina ... I am exhausted.
climbing out of the dark hole
I am grateful for the little pilot light within me that is still lit. There is some small part of me that drives me keep going. It's strange in some respects ... I don't see a future ... all hope for any happiness is absent, but something in me drives me to carry on.
the battle within
The struggle to get strong again is mental and physical. I have to encourage myself and set goals to make recovery happen. I force myself to increase my stamina and energy with exercise most days. I try to eat foods that will aid in my recovery. I try to get enough sleep. I am patiently chipping away at this mountain and work towards being healthier every day.
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