control ... (or more precisely LACK OF)

The past couple weeks, I've found that one of the most troubling things happening is a lack of control. Little or no control over emotions, self discipline, attitude, productivity ... It's unsettling and a little disturbing.

I learned, not long ago, that for the most part we can choose our attitude. I guess that applies to most of us -most of the time ... when we are healthy and centred. It certainly doesn't seem to apply to me right now.

I seem to have slipped into "seek comfort" mode at times. Instead of getting exercise, I am hiding on the couch. Instead of eating healthy, nutritious food, I am sneaking pizza. Some days, I am doing the bare minimum ...

It's kind of pathetic really ... AND poor timing - it's spring ... I'm eating too much unhealthy foods and inactive ... UGHHH

Seeking comfort in food can be a dangerous thing, especially if you were obese in your early years. It's a slippery slope ... you eat something bad, then cravings for other bad things increase and self control goes out the window ...

. . . m u s t . . . s t o p . . . E A T I N G . . .

Depression really ends up put one in a downward spiral ... health begins to suffer, self esteem takes a beating, spirit sinks, enthusiasm dwindles to nothing ... very destructive forces. I hope there will be a silver lining in this somewhere down the line.

Oh - and watch out for RETAIL THERAPY ... I have found myself - a couple of times- spending money on stupid things ... Again - self control and good judgement seem to be taking a holiday ...

And then there's the drugs. I wish I could avoid the meds and heal on my own, but the sooner I get back to being me, the better. Janice deserves better, my school needs me and I certainly want to recover for my own sake ASAP. I also can't help but wonder if the drugs interfere in some ways with the natural process of the whole depression process. I started meds almost 2 weeks ago ... hope they kick in soon.

I've got 3 doctors (and my wonderful supportive wife) helping through this ugliness. My naturopath has started me off with her assistance, my psychologist is talking with me and my family doctor is also there for me. My friends (you) have also been very supportive ... I am very fortunate to have all these resource to help me get back on my feet.