Moving on

I can feel myself getting better. Yesterday was a good day and I am encouraged.

The brain is where it all goes down. When the brain is malfunctioning, bad things can happen. I am lucky to have the support I have to help me get my life back on track.

My disposition may be improved, but my energy and stamina seem to be still lacking. The tears have stopped, but I don't know what else I can do to return to a more active, productive state. Perhaps I will have to consult with my doctors about this one.

Letting go of some things can be very hard. It can take time to accept, consolidate, heal and move forward. And patience ... and support ... and understanding ...

Getting unstuck can be a big step forward in the depression process. It can be difficult to carry on when we are obsessing about an event that has impacted us greatly. It takes time and patience for this process to take it's natural course.

Living in the present is the only real way to function in any health, balanced, productive capacity. Living in the moment ... having the capacity and clarity to realize that we are here - now ... and our reality can be shaped by our choices ... our actions ... our ambitions.

Rejoice (we have no choice) ... we've got to carry on. We can allow events to pollute us, or we can choose to try. Who wants to spend their lives miserable, lost and wandering? I choose to try and do everything in my power to be a positive force in the world.

I don't want come out of this worse than before. I hope that a piece of me hasn't died and left me darker and colder. There may be some thing I don't have control over, but I believe we have the power to become who we want to become (to a large extent).

Even though I believe I am improving, I still have a great deal of dark, cold anger within me. I hope it won't stay with me a destructive aspect of my life.

I want begin reintegrating back into the workforce in one more week ... that is my goal. I hope to return (half time for the first week or two) and return into the real world. Energy and stamina are currently my biggest challenges.