7 Ways Depressed People Love Differently

By Laura Lifshitz

Remember: It's complicated, but it's not about you.

I'm so thankful to not be depressed. Depression might just be one of the worst things ever because it's as if you're sinking no matter how hard you try to swim to the surface. It's as if you're bound and gagged and no matter what knife you use to slice the bounds, you can't.

I'm what they call a bubbly, effervescent woman, but I've experienced depression in my life. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 14.8 million American adults have Major Depressive Disorder per year. That's a lot of people.

So, whether you've been depressed for a few days, during a traumatic incident or breakup, for months or years, or perhaps you haven't been depressed but know someone who has, chances are you've loved someone with depression before. Or been the depressed lover, as it were.

Here are some ways your depressed lover may love you differently than another:

1. We will sometimes emotionally retreat.

Depression is a tricky beast. Your lover may retreat from you due to no fault of your own in order to come with some pretty sad feelings, only to randomly return. And sometimes it may seem as if there's no rhyme or reason to this pattern.

Know this: it's not your fault. Your partner may retreat simply so you don't have to deal with his or her unpleasant feelings and return when the person feels able to give him or herself without dumping a rainy parade on your head. It's best to give your depressed partner the room to retreat as long as he or she can return without serious intervention.

If your partner is retreating to succumb to a dangerous level of depression, this is when you need to step in. One should only be allowed to wallow for so long before it becomes a huge issue.

2. We may not want sex as often as we used to.

A depressed lover may need less sex because he or she has a low sex drive, or your "blue" mate may seek out more sex to fulfill washing away that sad and dull feeling courtesy of depression. The former scenario is more common than the latter, but quite a few depressed lovers seek sex as therapeutic and will want a lot of touch, foreplay, and sex.

This is fine as long as the person isn't seeking it outside of the relationship or to avoid dealing with uncomfortable feelings like a sex addiction. On the flip side, if your depressed partner doesn't want to have sex this can be very hard on you. Talk to your partner openly about this and pay attention to your despondent lover's bedroom habits.

3. We may seek out a shoulder to cry on that isn't you.

Back in the day when I felt depressed, I had people I went to because I felt comfortable speaking to them about my lethargic mood. Your lover may decide this is you ... or not. Don't be mad. As long as your partner has someone to confide in so he or she can get past this down mood swing, that's the most important.

It would be nice if this person was you but perhaps it's better for your better half to unload on someone else — that way you don't feel as if the relationship is more of a therapy-patient scenario.

4. We will experience mood swings.

I have friends and have dated men whose depression seemed to come out of nowhere, like some terroristic mood attack on their brains. Don't be surprised if your partner is happy-go-lucky one minute and then the next day, slowly sinking into the fog of depression.

Sudden mood swings between elation and lows could be manic depression, and that's not when I'm talking about. A depressed partner may seem fine and then start to drift into a sad state. Doing things to keep your partner active and less-stressed is key, but most importantly, your partner should be able to recognize the impending depression and trying to prevent being bogged down in its claws.

But if someone is severely depressed, he or she is going to have an immensely hard time doing that. You'll have to be patient if you want to deal with this.

5. We are empathetic toward others with mental health problems.

Your depressed paramour will most likely be an empathetic and kind lover. Knowing what it's like to deal with a mental health issue, your partner has a different outlook on life than Miss Mary Sunshine, which is a good thing — as long as the person isn't emo 24/7.

6. We are great listeners.

A depressed lover can be a great listener simply because he or she has spent so many hours attentively listening to the sad and not-so sad voices in his or her head, dueling out reason. Your depressed lover will want to be by your side, as he or she knows how hard it is for anyone to understand his or her own dark thoughts.

7. We can be selfish sometimes.

On the flip side, your great listener/depressed partner can sometimes be selfish. He or she doesn't mean to be, but depression has this nasty way of making you feel as if it's just you locked in your own world, with your own morbid thoughts. It's hard to see someone else's perspective when trapped in your insular world of depression.

No matter how sad or blue your partner is today, be a supportive partner and see the value in your lover's life experiences. And chances are, this depression too shall pass.

source: www.yourtango.com

7 Mental Illness Myths People Still Believe

Can we all just stop?

Lindsay Holmes    Healthy Living Editor, The Huffington Post    09/02/2015 

Mental illness stigma can lead to a multitude of false beliefs -- and it's about time to set the record straight. Negative stereotypes create a lot of misconceptions, which further alienate people in a community that already feels isolated.

The many fallacies that surround mental health disorders can make managing them all the more difficult -- after all, research suggests stigma acts as a barrier to treatment. Below are just a few of the myths no one should believe about mental illness.

Myth 1: It's contagious.

To bust this myth, it's important to understand the difference between feelings and mental health disorders. Mental illness sufferers experience a spectrum of emotions, but this is a byproduct of brain chemistry and other possible factors that led to a diagnosis.

Though studies suggest that emotions -- particularly stressful ones -- are contagious, mental illness is not. It does not operate the same as the cold or flu, circulating through a scientific process of spreading germs.

Despite this knowledge, many people still believe mental illness can be spread. A 2014 paper published in the journal Memory & Cognition found that people believe mental illness can be communicable from one person to another. This belief is unfounded and most certainly false, not to mention it could also lead to feelings of isolation for those who have mental illness.

Myth 2: Mental illness is an indication of violence.

Many people still blame mental illness for horrific tragedies like the recent shooting of two journalists in Virginia, perpetuating a stigma that's not easy to shed. But here's the reality: A mental health disorder does not mean that someone is going to commit a violent act. In fact, a 2014 study found that people with mental health issues are more likely to be victims of violent crimes than the ones committing them.

Myth 3: It's uncommon.

Wrong. Approximately one in four people worldwide will experience a mental health issue at some point in their life. That makes it very likely that someone you know will suffer from a psychological disorder.

Myth 4: Mental illness is "all in your head."

There's still a common belief in society that someone with anxiety can "just calm down" or someone with depression can "snap out of it," as if they can choose to have an episode come or go. That's simply not true. There are very real physical symptoms. Someone who suffers from depression may see changes in appetite, headaches and indigestion and someone who experiences anxiety may endure cardiovascular problems, stomach issues and a weakened immune system.

Myth 5: You can't recover from mental health issues.

Mental illness isn't one-size-fits-all, which means treatment varies for everyone. Therapy, medications and outside support are all useful tools in managing a mental health disorder and helping an individual lead a healthy and productive life.

"Depression is a treatable disorder," HuffPost's mental health editor Lloyd Sederer, the medical director of the New York State Office of Mental Health, wrote in a blog last year. "Like any serious illness, it takes comprehensive, ongoing, scientifically based care, an effective working patient-clinician relationship, and the support and patience of loving others."

Myth 6: Mental illness stems from a bad childhood.

Life circumstances certainly can play a role, but other factors also have an influence on mental health disorders. Take anxiety, for example: "It's not that having a difficult childhood is completely unrelated, but having a difficult childhood can be related to all kinds of things, not just anxiety," Joseph Bienvenu, an associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Johns Hopkins University, previously told HuffPost. "Some people have great childhood and still have anxiety."

Research suggests that some mental health disorders may be caused by chemical imbalances in the body. Seasonal Affective Disorder, which affects nearly 10 million people at certain points of the year, fluctuates based on seasonal changes.

Myth 7: You can't help someone suffering from a mental health disorder.

Loved ones are paramount in helping someone with a mental illness get treatment. According to a recent nationwide mental health analysis, social support plays a large role when it comes to intervening or preventing suicide.

"It requires a little reflection and thought to be supportive," Gregory Dalack, chair of the department of psychiatry at the University of Michigan, previously told HuffPost. "Family members, friends and significant others have an opportunity to help in a way that's not judgmental -- even if it's just helping them get to appointments, take medications or stick to a daily routine."

source: www.huffingtonpost.com

Depression and illness: Chicken or egg?

When depression strikes, doctors usually probe what’s going on in the mind and brain first. But it’s also important to check what’s going on in the body, since certain medical problems are linked to mood disturbances. In fact, medical illnesses — and medication side effects — may be behind nearly 10% to 15% of all cases of depression.

It’s not uncommon for a physical illness to trigger depression. Up to half of heart attack survivors and those with cancer report feeling blue, and many are diagnosed with depression. Many people who have diabetes, Parkinson’s, or other chronic conditions become depressed.

It works in the other direction, too. Depression can affect the course of a physical disease. Take heart disease—depression has been linked with slower recovery from a heart attack and an increased risk for future heart trouble.

Here’s another chicken-or-egg example. Two common thyroid disorders are well known to affect mood. If the thyroid makes too much hormone (hyperthyroidism), manic symptoms can result. If the gland makes too little thyroid hormone (hypothyroidism), exhaustion and depression can appear. Treating thyroid disease can often relieve the mood problems.

The list doesn’t stop there. Other medical conditions associated with mood disorders include certain neurological conditions (multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s), other hormonal imbalances, and some nutritional deficiencies, such as a lack of vitamin B12.

The take-home message is that if you have depression, or think you might, a thorough physical exam and careful medical history could help pinpoint a physical source of the problem—and the most appropriate treatment.

August 18, 2015

source: www.health.harvard.edu

How Friendship Fights Depression

A new study shows that a healthy mood can spread through friend groups.

The Atlantic Daily newsletter     JULIE BECK  AUG 19, 2015

“As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world,” Mindy Kaling writes in her book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? “I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends.”

In a section titled “Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities,” she vows, “If you’re depressed, I will be there for you … I will be there for you during your horrible break-up, or getting fired from your job, or if you’re just having a bad couple of months or year. I will hate it and find you really tedious, but I promise I won’t abandon you.”

Having a relationship with someone who’s depressed can be difficult. It’s hard to hear a friend say negative things about herself; it’s hard to know how to help. These are among the more noble reasons people might have—or they may just not want to be brought down themselves by spending time with someone who’s depressed.

There’s an idea out there that you can “catch” depression, that it’s contagious. (One self-help book unequivocally declares in its title that Depression Is Contagious.) Some research supports this idea—one study found that depressive symptoms tended to appear in clusters in social networks, and another found depressive thought patterns spread between college roommates (though positive thinking spread as well).

But a new study published in Proceedings of the Royal Society B challenges that notion. Depression doesn’t spread, it found, but a healthy mood does. The researchers looked at data from more than 2,000 high-school students who took a survey of depression symptoms, and who also reported who their friends were, over a period of six to 12 months. Kids who initially scored as clinically depressed did not “infect” their friends, but if they had enough friends who had what the study called a “healthy mood” (in that they didn’t meet the criteria for depression), that doubled their chances of recovering from their depression. And for people who weren’t depressed in the first place, having enough mentally healthy friends halved their chances of developing depression.

“Your friends can protect you from depression and help you recover from it.”

That’s a pretty large effect, and supports previous research saying that high-quality social relationships lower people’s risk of depression.

Thomas House, one of the study authors and a senior lecturer in applied mathematics at the University of Manchester, says he believes this model has an advantage over the studies that find clusters. When you find clusters of friends who are depressed, it’s possible there’s a third factor at play—maybe “they're all heavily drinking or they’re all doing something else that makes them more predisposed to depression,” House says. “Our method wasn't susceptible to that because we looked at direct changes of state. We were pretty much directly observing this process of your friend influencing you. And the nice conclusion that we got was that your friends can protect you from depression and help you recover from it.”

That’s if mentally healthy people are there for their depressed friends, which could be easier said than done. Even if you can’t actually catch depression, that’s not to say spending time with a depressed friend doesn’t take its toll. As the cartoonist Allie Brosh, of the site Hyperbole and a Half, wrote in her astute comic about depression, “It's weird for people who still have feelings to be around depressed people. They try to help you have feelings again so things can go back to normal, and it's frustrating for them when that doesn't happen.”

“We’re not saying you have no negative effect on your friends’ mood but just that it’s not enough to push them into really full clinical depression,” House says.

And people suffering from depression may be inclined to withdraw anyway, to retreat and ruminate alone. That can be exacerbated by their friends’ misguided attempts to cheer them up.

“People want to help,” Brosh writes. “So they try harder to make you feel hopeful and positive about the situation … The positivity starts coming out in a spray—a giant, desperate happiness sprinkler pointed directly at your face. And it keeps going like that until you're having this weird argument where you're trying to convince the person that you are far too hopeless for hope just so they'll give up on their optimism crusade and let you go back to feeling bored and lonely by yourself.”

One theory of social support and depression suggests that whether relationships have a positive effect depends on whether the person feels like the relationship is meeting their basic psychological needs—autonomy, competence, and relatedness. This article gives the example of friends helping a depressed person with chores and errands. That could make the person feel better, but only if he sees it as an expression of love, rather than something that’s taking away his control over his own life.

We don’t know the details of the friendships in this new study—exactly what they talked about around the cafeteria table, what gestures were made, which were appreciated. But nonetheless, it seems that just being there was enough to have ripples.

source: www.theatlantic.com

Why Depression Needs a New Definition

The Disturbing Relationship Between Sleep, Depression and Suicide

At least 3/4 of clinically depressed people struggle with sleep,
and insomnia is a well-proven risk factor for suicide.

By Theresa Fisher / Van Winkle's August 18, 2015

Original published by Van Winkle's, a new website dedicated to smarter sleep & wakefulness, published by Casper.

This past March, Graham Mitchell, a 48-year-old British psychiatric nurse, hanged himself in his garden. During the subsequent inquest, family members expressed surprise at Mitchell’s decision to commit suicide, as reported by the Macclesfield Express. They knew Mitchell’s mental health had deteriorated, as he’d become noticeably depressed in the wake of a few personal setbacks. During the weeks before his death, Mitchell’s sister said he seemed shell-shocked.

But the inquest revealed issues of which Mitchell’s family was unaware, including his longtime struggle with chronic insomnia. In recent years, his shift-work schedule had apparently amplified his battle with rest.

The story mentioned Mitchell’s insomnia several times, but didn’t flesh out the dialectical relationship between disturbed sleep, mental disorders and suicide, perhaps understandably.

For more than a hundred years, experts have recognized interrelated connections between sleep, depression and suicide: At least three-quarters of clinically depressed people struggle with sleep, and insomnia is a well-proven risk factor for suicide across different cultures and age groups. Moreover, sleep disturbances increase the likelihood of non-depressed people becoming depressed. We don’t yet have any tidy divine theory to tie these pieces together, but researchers are working hard to get us there.

Doctors have treated poor sleep as a hallmark symptom of mental disorders for the better part of the last century. The Diagnostic Statistic Manual (DSM), first introduced in 1952 and now in its fifth edition, is used to diagnose all mental disorders. Since 1994, the DSM has explicitly instructed doctors and therapists to ask about irregular sleeping patterns in diagnosing depression.

An emerging school of thought, however, frames the relationship between sleep and depression differently. Non-depressed people who sleep poorly for a long period of time have an increased risk of developing clinical-grade blues. This progression suggests that not sleeping may contribute to the onset of mood disorders that might otherwise lay dormant.

Depression rarely boils down to any single factor. Instead, the abstruse disease rears its head thanks to some combination of genes, environmental factors and personal experiences. Increasingly, experts are seeing disrupted sleep as part of the recipe.

“In many cases, we often see insomnia and then later on, depression follows,” said Dr. Peter Meerlo, a behavioral physiologist at the University of Groningen who focuses on the relationship between the brain and sleep. “This doesn’t in itself yet prove that there’s a causal relationship. It still may be that disrupted sleep and mood disturbances are both a result of some third underlying process, but [the observed relationship] has at least put the issue on the map.”

Meerlo uses rodents to study the sleep-depression relationship. He’s seen changes in the brains of chronically sleep-deprived mice analogous to those in depressed human patients. Among other changes, Meerlo has observed the generation of new neurons — a process called neurogenesis — in specific brain regions critical to cognitive processes and emotion regulation. He’s also seen reduced volume in the hippocampus, a change observed in depressed patients that's considered an important signifier of clinical depression.

The theory underlying Meerlo’s research depicts depression as a disease of plasticity rather than biochemistry. The current biochemistry model identifies low serotonin levels as the neural basis of depression. A plasticity-based explanation, however, focuses on the way nerve cells are wired, which informs how brain regions communicate with one another. Attempts to clarify the function of sleep — still an enormous mystery — have also increasingly focused on plasticity. The most popular modern theory, explained Meerlo, says sleep functions to strengthen connections between nerve cells (plasticity).

“Depression theory and sleep theory are meeting now,” said Meerlo, “so the way disrupted sleep affects depression is by impairing plasticity and the connections between brain regions.”

Yes, discussion of neurogenesis is the sort of inside baseball neuroscience that makes most people’s eyes glaze over. But, the implications of these brain changes are fairly concrete.

“It could change our view on treatment,” said Meerlo, “because many drugs now used to treat depression aren’t really helping you sleep better. In fact, some make it worse. So, we want to see the development of drugs that not only target aspects of mood disorders, but also target and improve sleep.”

But it's not all about drugs. Understanding the sleep-mood relationship can also help us fine-tune non-pharmaceutical treatment methods, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), an increasingly popular, seemingly effective and low-cost path to better rest.

Presumably, Mitchell was severely depressed when he hanged himself. And, in some way, insomnia played a role in his despondence — perhaps as a symptom, an exacerbating factor, a cause, or some combination of the three.

His tragic situation is hardly unique. Experts have called attention to the troubling insomnia-suicide link since at least 1914, when opthalmic surgeon Ernest Pronger penned an editorial in the Lancet lamenting the frequent mention of insomnia in news reports of suicide. “Probably if all the cases in all the papers were collected,” he wrote, “we should find that annually very great wastage of human life from this cause alone goes on which might to a great extent be prevented.”

Now consider what Meerlo describes as the ultimate paradox: While long-term insomnia and depression go hand-in-hand, short-term sleep deprivation is used as a last-ditch effort to revive suicidal patients.

“While evidence is accumulating that chronically insufficient sleep may be a causal factor that increases the risk for depression,” wrote Meerlo in the preface to his new book on sleep and neuronal plasticity, “once people are depressed, many of them respond positively to a night of sleep deprivation. Although this phenomenon seems contradictory, it clearly underscores the importance of sleep-related processes in the regulation and dysregulation of mood.”

How could short-term sleep deprivation curb anguish if long-term deprivation might both cause and exacerbate it? We don’t really know.

“It’s a rather acute effect,” said Meerlo. “Most of the drugs now being used to treat depression only become effective after weeks, and sleep deprivation can work after a single night.”

The confusing remedy isn’t a new discovery, but decades of research haven’t done much to clear the fog.

“The downside of treatment is that it works very fast but it’s also short-lasting, so in most cases, when people go to sleep again the next night, there’s an immediate relapse in depression.”

But here’s one theory: Sleep-deprived people get hyper-emotional. Severely depressed people, however, tend to be hypo-emotional — they fall into a state of steady, rudderless sadness. Sleep-deprivation therapy may work, at least in part, by temporarily restoring emotional reactivity stolen by depression.

“In healthy people,” Meerlo said, “sleep deprivation causes hyper activity in the amygdala, making us emotionally unstable and disinhibited, but in depressed patients who have hypoemotionality, sleep deprivation simply has the same effect, just starting at a lower level.”

As more research takes place and the fog continues to lift on the tangled relationship between sleep, mental illness and suicide, scientists and doctors will hopefully be able to make sense of tragedies like Michell’s before it's too late.

source: www.alternet.org

some days

I'll bet most people get the impression I'm "living the dream".
Unfortunately, some days the dream seems really more like a nightmare.

Many days I am able to put on my brave face, think positively and live a relatively "normal" life.

Some days I am in a prison of tears and blackness.
Insecurities get the best of me, and I struggle to escape.

When you struggle with depression, it's not something that you want to share.
Who wants to be with someone who suffers like that? Not a very attractive feature.
But this is me. It's not a part of me I'm proud of or want to focus on ... but it's part of who I am.

It's a battle. Many days I win. Some, not so much.

Today I feel very alone.
My fears and insecurities seem to be winning, and the weight of the world is pressing down on me.

I have no friends here ... no family ... no one ... I am alone and struggling.

I will crawl out of this hole, and writing this helps.

I'll get through it. Everything is temporary...

Today is a day for tears  If you see me today - I could sure use a hug.

6 Tips To Get Motivated When You're Feeling Depressed

By Megan Bruneau    March 23, 2014

A common response to identifying lifestyle changes that might make a depressed person feel better is, “Easier said than done.” Someone coping with depression may get what she's supposed to do, but the question is how? After all, depression kills motivation, energy, interest, and focus.

Once you give the engine a jump, it often becomes easier, but until then, how do you connect the jumper cables you need to make a spark?

1. Set the bar LOW.

When you’re depressed, you’re not functioning at your usual 70-90%. Rather, you’re sitting somewhere closer to 20%. If you set the same expectations for yourself that you had when you weren’t feeling depressed (which is sometimes just getting dressed), you’re going to feel anxious and overwhelmed, and probably won’t do the task you expected from yourself (and thus will feel defeated and ashamed).

Set SMALL AND SPECIFIC GOALS. Seriously. Unload the dishwasher. Heck, unload three glasses. Task completed and still itching for more? You can always raise the bar if you’re feeling particularly motivated. Take note that if you feel highly overwhelmed while tackling your goal, chances are it's too high and you need to lower it to something more realistic or specific.

2. Practice self-compassion.

Self-criticism is depression’s BFF. If you beat yourself up for being so “unproductive” and “lazy,” You’re going to keep yourself feeling like crap and thus, paralyzed. Try instead to use the same encouraging words you might use for a friend or loved one. If you can’t find the words, read more about self-compassion here.

3. Recruit support, or ask for help.

Some of us have trouble holding ourselves accountable at the best of times. With little motivation or energy, it’s that much harder. Confide in someone you trust, and ask for their help. Ask a friend to hold you to your commitment. Ask your partner to accompany to a yoga class. Pay for your support group, counseling appointment, or massage beforehand so you’ll be more motivated to attend.

4. Envision how you'll feel after the task.

Getting in the shower, going for a walk, preparing a meal, or hanging out with a friend seems like a very ominous task if you focus on the effort involved. People who are depressed generally have low self-efficacy, which means they have low confidence in their ability to perform tasks. As such, they tend to feel overwhelmed and avoid such tasks. Lower expectations for yourself within the task, and envision how you (might) feel after the task rather than during.

5. Make the goal to do it, not to enjoy it.

When you’re feeling depressed, it’s natural to lose interest in things that used to make you happy. Comedy is no longer funny, sports are no longer fun, spending time with friends is no longer engaging. Anxiety, depression, and self-loathing take over, leading to feelings of detachment and defeat. So, when doing something “fun” or “active,” do it with the goal to do it, not to enjoy it.

6. Acknowledge your courage for stepping out of your comfort zone.

As painful as it is, depression can be come comfortable in a “devil you know” kind of way. You know what to expect, for the most part. You know the pain, you’re in the pain, you can predict that tomorrow will be more of the same. The idea of stepping out of this comfort zone can be quite anxiety provoking. Steven Hayes, a psychologist whose work I admire said, “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’re always going to get what you’ve always gotten.” So, if you find you’re able to do something (even very slightly) different, congratulate yourself. There’s a good chance whatever you’re experiencing will come with anxiety, because anxiety accompanies uncertainty. Anxiety may be telling you you’re stepping out of the familiar routine of depression, so acknowledge your courage and try to bring such experiences forward in your journey.

source: www.mindbodygreen.com

Is Depression a Disease or an Opportunity?

Care2 Healthy Living Guest Blogger   June 5, 2013

A depression diagnosis does not have to be a life sentence. Often, it is a sign that our lives are out of balance and that we’re stuck. It is a wake-up call and, potentially, the start of a journey that can help us become whole and happy, a journey that can change and transform our lives.

When a physician observes the signs and symptoms of “major depressive disorder” in someone—the difficulty sleeping and eating, the weight loss, the absence of interest in a world which once pleased her, the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness—he is likely to prescribe anti-depressant drugs. When a patient asks questions about the need for drugs, she (I use the feminine to remind us that more than twice as many women as men are diagnosed with depression) is often told, “Depression is a biochemical disorder like insulin-dependent diabetes. Diabetics need insulin because their pancreas doesn’t work properly. And you need the drugs, the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), like Paxil and Prozac, to raise your levels of serotonin.”

It sounds authoritative, appropriate, and effective. Unfortunately it’s inaccurate.

First of all, the biochemical disorder has never been demonstrated. Some people with depression may have lower levels of serotonin, a neurotransmitter which helps to calm the brain and balance many body functions. But it seems that they are a minority. Doctors often don’t even measure the level of serotonin before prescribing drugs to affect it.

Second, the SSRIs are not, in fact, selective. Serotonin producing cells are distributed widely through the brain and body—the small intestine has the largest number—and altering serotonin inevitably alters the level and action and many functions of other neurotransmitters, including dopamine, which mediates pleasure. A cascade of uncomfortable and sometimes dangerous side effects result, including gastro-intestinal upset, neurological problems like headaches, muscle stiffness and tremors, weight gain, and sexual dysfunction—in up to 70 percent of all those who take the SSRIs. Indeed, in the early weeks of taking the drugs, a number of people, mostly young adults and adolescents, become more depressed and more suicidal.

In fact, neither the SSRIs, nor the serotonin–norepinephrine (norepinephrine is a neurotransmitter that may affect mood and activity level) reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), which are increasingly prescribed, do a very good job. Doctors have prescribed these and other anti-depressants with great enthusiasm for more than twenty years—some thirty million Americans are currently using them for premenstrual syndrome, chronic pain, and anxiety, as well depression—because they believed the published studies which showed that the drugs were 60 to 70 percent more effective for depression than the placebos, the sugar pills, to which they were compared. These numbers were seriously misleading.

The drug companies, which profit hugely from SSRIs and other antidepressants, had, for the most part, only published the positive studies. When researchers went to the United States Food and Drug Administration and recovered the unpublished negative studies, the results were quite different. Reviews of the literature, which were published in our most prestigious medical journals—including The New England Journal of Medicine and The Journal of the American Medical Association—revealed that antidepressants were little, if any, better than placebos—except for a small minority of the most seriously depressed people.

All this doesn’t mean that antidepressants aren’t sometimes helpful. They can be, even with their limitations and side effects. What it does mean is that they should not be regarded as the “treatment of choice” as most physicians believe them to be, but instead as a last resort.

My treatment of choice is what many call “integrative.” I think of it as a way to get Unstuck, to help us move through and beyond the depression and the other difficulties that our lives may bring us. I describe this integrative, comprehensive approach in some detail in my book, Unstuck: Your Guide to the Seven Stage Journey out of Depression. It combines the best of conventional treatments, including various forms of psychotherapy, with a variety of other techniques that enhance each person’s emotional life and cognitive abilities as well as her physical health. Medication should be used only when this approach doesn’t work. “In extreme situations” Hippocrates said 2500 years ago “extreme remedies.”

The foundation for this Unstuck approach is a meditative or mindful one—which simply means that it is designed to help people to be relaxed, aware and self-aware, and firmly grounded in the present moment. The Unstuck approach includes specific meditation techniques like slow, deep “soft belly” breathing and mindful walking and eating, which have been shown to decrease levels of anxiety and stress, enhance mood and optimism, and promote greater emotional stability and more reliable judgment. Both focused and mindful meditation raise the levels of the same neurotransmitters at which SSRIs and SNRIs are aimed.

Movement and exercise, which have been repeatedly shown to at least equal anti-depressants in relieving symptoms of depression, and also to raise neurotransmitter levels, are central. It looks like about 30 minutes of daily exercise is optimal, but all of us should start with what we can do–walking a couple of blocks is a great beginning—and be sure to do something we hope to enjoy.

Nutrition may also be crucial in preventing, as well as treating, depression. People who are depressed may be deficient in B vitamins, Vitamin D3, Selenium, Magnesium, and the Omega 3 fatty acids that are present in fish oil. Others are sensitive to gluten and other food substances which may cause inflammation, which has been implicated in depression.

It is important to stimulate imagination and intuition as well as nourish the body. I teach techniques like guided imagery, drawings, and written dialogues to help depressed and anxious people to access more easily their imagination and to use their intuition and creativity to find answers to previously insoluble problems.

Work with a skilled therapist can be important, even crucial, but it is exponentially enhanced by what we can do for ourselves. Because they are grounded in self-awareness and self-care, each and every one of these techniques carries with it a general as well as a specific benefit. In acting to understand and help ourselves, we overcome the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that are the hallmarks of depression.

Many people find they can multiply the effectiveness of self-care by being part of a group in which they learn together and share their experiences and themselves with one another. In the Mind-Body Skills Groups which The Center for Mind-Body Medicine has developed, participants feel less like damaged or ill patients, more like pilgrims together on a journey toward greater understanding, health, and wholeness.

Finally, symptom relief, the treatment of depression, and spiritual practice can be intimately connected. Using self-care techniques and living more meditatively often paves the way for us to connect with something—god, nature, a higher power—great than ourselves and to find meaning and purpose in our lives. And spiritual connection, meaning, and purpose are among the most powerful proven antidotes to depression.

James S. Gordon, M.D., a psychiatrist, is the author of Unstuck: Your Guide to the Seven-Stage Journey Out of Depression, from which part of this article was excerpted. He is the Founder and Director of The Center for Mind-Body Medicine, a Clinical Professor at Georgetown Medical School, and former Chair of the White House Commission on Complementary and Alternative Medicine Policy.

source care2.com

Depressive Thinking Can Be Contagious

We don’t think of emotional states as passing from one person to another, but a new study suggests some depressive thoughts can go viral.

Researchers studying a group of college students found that certain types of depressive thinking can spread from close-living roommates like a lingering flu.

Although many people see depression as a chemical imbalance in the brain, scientists say social context and the way you see yourself and the world can be critical in causing and sustaining the illness, which affects around 10% of college-age adults.

“Thinking styles are a really important factor in risk for depression,” says the study’s lead author Gerald Haeffel, associate professor of clinical psychology at Notre Dame University. “How one thinks about life stress and negative moods is one of the best predictors that we have of future depression.”

Haeffel and his colleagues recognized that starting life in a college dorm — with students transitioning from the familiarity of high school and family and venturing into a completely new social setting — would serve as an ideal real-world laboratory for studying how social connections and thinking styles of some students can influence others, and how these interactions can affect depression.

“For many freshmen, going to college is a seminal life transition,” he says. “They are moving away from home for the first time, and their social context is turned on its head. An important feature of our design was that students were randomly assigned to roommates. This means that students were not able to actively choose someone to live with. [They] had to live with a stranger who might have a completely different style of thinking.”

Previous research showed that depressive thinking styles tend to become stable and consistent by high school, and that they can increase risk of depression (without necessarily causing the condition) over an entire lifetime. “Cognitive vulnerability is not the same thing as depression,” says Haeffel. “Someone can have a cognitive vulnerability but not appear sad or gloomy. It can be thought of similarly as high blood pressure. High blood pressure is a risk for heart disease, but it does not mean the person has heart disease.”

Major life changes, however, like starting college and being exposed to new people, might serve as triggers for whether this risk factor crosses the threshold into becoming an actual depressive disorder, as Haeffel and his colleagues reported in their study, which was published in Clinical Psychological Science.

The authors recruited 108 incoming college freshmen at a private university in the Midwest, including 42 men with male roommates and 66 women with female roommates randomly assigned by the college. Within their first month of school, the students took an online survey about their thinking styles, stress exposure and depression symptoms. They were surveyed again online three months and six months later.

Haeffel and his team explored two types of thinking previously linked with depression. The first involved rumination or constant brooding about what’s going wrong. “A person who broods will focus on his or her negative mood,” says Haeffel. “[They] will think about how sad they feel, try to understand why [they] feel depressed and worry about the implications of their sadness. In contrast, someone who does not brood will tend to distract themselves when feeling sad, [for example, by exercising].”

The second depressive style that was examined is known as “hopelessness,” which Haeffel says “gets at the self-worth implications and consequences of an event.” For example, a person who feels hopeless might lose a job and see it as a personal failure and a sign that he will never be employable again. A more resilient person might blame the economy or see the situation as an opportunity to get a better position.

The researchers found that hopelessness was not contagious among roommates — but rumination was. Hopelessness focuses on the content of one’s own thoughts, which are likely deeply embedded and related to other perceptions about the self, and therefore might be less likely to influence the way other people think. Rumination, on the other hand, is a process that is probably easier to mirror by adopting the same focus on negative ideas or attention to sadness, as well as the constant discussion about this darker perspective.

Interestingly, depression symptoms themselves were not contagious: simply having a roommate with symptoms of the disorder did not increase risk of developing the mental illness. But those who picked up a ruminative style of thinking from their roommates during the first three months of school had more than double the number of depressive symptoms of those who either weren’t exposed to this perspective or didn’t adopt the rumination three months later. And the risk was magnified if they experienced high levels of stress.

The study also found, however, that healthy thinking was also contagious. “Those assigned to a roommate with a more positive thinking style developed a more positive style themselves whereas those assigned to a roommate with a negative style became more negative,” Haeffel says. The study could not determine what made a particular roommate’s style more likely to dominate and influence, rather than be influenced.

Such information could enhance the current findings and contribute to new ways of treating and preventing depression. The results suggest that depressive thinking styles can still be influenced during young adulthood — so this risk factor can be minimized even if it has already developed during high school or earlier. Targeting ruminative thinking might also enhance therapy.

“The therapist could assess if people in the patient’s life are modeling and providing adaptive cognitive feedback about stress and negative life events,” says Haeffel. “The therapist could then provide those with negative thinking styles with information about the contagion effect along with training that would help them identify negative thought patterns and provide examples of more adaptive ways of thinking.”

So while depressive thoughts can spread from person to person, making depression more contagious than previously thought, these perspectives can also be the focus of effective therapies that could, just as antiviral and antibacterial agents do, block them from taking hold.

April 24, 2013        source: Time

Your brain is more than a bag of chemicals.

Dopamine, ADHD, Depression ... modern attitudes & future research possibilities-

r e c o v e r y

I am back at work full time now and feeling MUCH better. Looking back on my recent episode of depression, I try to look for some things I can learn from it.

Because I try to live a fairly healthy lifestyle, my depression lasted only a few weeks. Excercise, good sleeping habits, a healthy diet and patience can go a long way in minimizing my down time. Good support around me also of course contributed greatly to my speedy recovery.

I know there's a lot wrong with the world, but I won't let it  drag me down. Allowing it to would only be destructive.  I acknowledged it and move on. I can't solve all the world's problems ... I can only try and do the best I can in my life. In my little corner of the universe, I hope to be a Todd role model, a helpful decent man and maybe, if I'm lucky, inspire a couple of people along the way.

When the world is running down
you make the best of what's still around

I have weathered this recent storm and come out into the sunshine. There a few clouds in the distance, but for now at least, I will take a deep breath and try to appreciate the warm sunshine.

Everyone has their battles. Everyone struggles with stress. Health, mont, relationships, self image, or something else.

I am not lying in a bed in some cancer ward. I am not homeless, jobless and destitute living in some third world country. I am pretty damn lucky to have all that I have and be where I am.

I am grateful for all the support around me that aided in my recovery and I look forward to a sunnier disposition : )

nature ... an effective antidepressant

Ironing out some health wrinkles

This morning I will be visiting Riverside Hospital for a second attempt to get more iron into my body.

Last week I found out that my Crohns is rearing its ugly head again ... Not allowing my body to process calcium, iron and other nutrients. That helps explain shy some days I am exhausted by noon.

The iron shot lowers your blood pressure, so nurses monitor you before, during and after. Mine was too low last week to get the iron infusion ... Possible internal bleeding may account for the low blood pressure.

Without iron My energy & stamina are almost non existant.

Over the next few weeks new Meds, tests, and doctors will try and gets healthier.

Wish me luck !

Trying to ramp up "normal"

Last week I began the process of easing back into the rat race by doing a few half days at work. The upcoming week I will attempt to rejoin the workforce full time.

The good news: for the most part, my depression issues are behind me.

The not so good news: recent blood tests show that my body is not absorbing nutrients like iron effectively (despite changes in diet and supplements). This may explain part of the depression / why my energy & stamina are lacking.

Thursday was spent getting poked and prodded at clinics & hospitals ...

 they took more blood samples and wanted to give me an iron (IV) injection.

Unfortunately my blood pressure was too low, so they could not ... they will try again next Thursday.

 They suspect my crohns may be responsible and are also testing for celiacs over the next month

They are also putting me on crohns meds that require blood tests every 2 weeks to look for complications / tolerance.

I have to try and get my blood pressure up, so they can give me iron Thursday. My blood pressure and iron may be low due to internal blood loss ... thanks to inflammation and scarring related to my crohns disease.

Over the next few weeks I hope to get a handle on some of these health challenges.

Back To Work

This week I returned to work. It's mornings only for the first week or two .... Try to ease back into things.

It's surprising the amount of stresses we have implemented into our lives ... Wake up early, rush to get cleaned up, have coffee, eat breakfast, make lunch and rush through traffic to get get to work on time ... it becomes part of the landscape and we adapt to it - it gets assimilated into the routine.

Stress is the #1 epidemic of our time ... we have glorified profit and business ... the result is a wide range of health problems that often can be stress related.

Yesterday - just the morning exhausted me ... the afternoon was spent recovering on the couch ... but today went better and I was more productive. If everyday was like today, I could probably jump into full time right away, but currently it's hit and miss.

If by late in the week I see more consistent progress with energy and stamina, I might go back full time fairly soon ... we'll see.

It feels nice to be more productive again. 

Can Everyday Hassles Make You Depressed?

Do you sweat the small stuff?

When it comes to pinpointing the source of our woes, we tend not to think too much about the little hassles of everyday life; after all they're just little hassles, nothing compared to the big stuff.

You're late for a meeting, you run out of biscuits or you get a parking ticket; irritating certainly, but nothing really serious, or anything like it.

Instead, we tend to blame the big events in life: divorce, disease and bereavement. And, when looking for what puts people over the edge, that's exactly where psychological researchers have concentrated their attention: on the big stuff.

But many are waking up to the fact that although the little hassles in life are smaller, they're also more numerous, so they can really add up over time. And, whether stressful events are big or small, it matters a lot how we deal with them.

Daily stressors

In new research published in Psychological Science, Charles et al. (2013) looked at people's reactions to everyday stressors and how this played out a decade later. Participants were asked about their daily stressors over eight days and generally how they felt. People reported having all the usual sorts of stressors like having arguments, a fridge breaking down or being late for an appointment.

Then, 10 years later, they were revisited and asked whether they had been treated for anxiety, depression or any other emotional problems in the last year.

What the results showed was that how people reacted to the little stressors of everyday life predicted whether they developed psychological problems a decade later (incidentally, the number who did report a disorder was almost one in five).

This fits in with other recent studies which have also shown that people's reactions to ordinary stressors predict depressive symptoms (e.g. Parrish et al., 2011).

Whether problems are big or small, what matters is how we react to them. People who tend to do worst are those that have the strongest emotional reaction to both big and small events.

We tend to think that depression is always a reaction to some really bad thing happening and sometimes it is; but sometimes it's all those little things piled on top of one another that can get you down.

source: PSYBLOG

moving on

I'm better now. I was a little wobbly there for a while, but I'm a little more stable now.

I might have a few times here and there where I may not be at my best, but I'm much more functional these days.

Next week I will return to work ... half days to start ... I won't exactly be an enthusiastic, happy ball of energy, but I'm pretty sure there won't be any more crying breaks in the bathroom. My stamina has improved (hopefully) to the point where I should be able to ease back into the rat race.

From what I've heard, it could still take months for healing to continue. I am returning to work a couple of weeks earlier than my doctor recommended and there was a concern expressed about too much too soon, but I think I should be up for it.

Stress ... pressure ... as it piles on us, we all have our breaking point. Something can pop up from seemingly nowhere and crush you ... but you can't lie there in your pool of blood forever. Sooner or later you have to get back up ...

It's time to try and get back up ...

life on planet earth

I wish I could be more optimistic, but these days - this pretty much sums up my state of mind:

It's hard to go on. It's hard to carry on and pretend like it's business as usual, yet at some point soon this is what I must do.

In order to return to a more "normal" life, I will try to rise to the expectations and responsibilities society requires and get back in the rat race.

It may be difficult to put on a happy face and be some sort of inspiration as an educator, but maybe it will force me to find positives focus on.

My goal is to returen to work next week (half time initially). Physically, I think I should be ok ... much of my stamina and energy has returned and MOST days, I should be up for it. Not every day may be perfect, but I will do my best.

Currently I have recovered to the point where MOST days I should be functional. There are still some times when I can feel weak, vulnerable, fragile and incapable ... but I am better (most of the time) than I was a  month ago.

This week I will be seeing 2 of my 3 doctors and hope to get the green light to return to work next week.

a large part of depression is really chemical / physical

It can be a case of one thing leads to another. Stress can be very destructive influence and sometimes it can play a part in depression. Sometimes we reach our limit and bad things happen.

Our perceptions and emotions have an intimate relationship with our brain, and our brains function using biochemical process that involve serotonin and tryptophan. Body chemistry can have a major influence on our mental health and well being.

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Serotonin:  Questions and Answers

By Colette Bouchez     WebMD Feature Reviewed by Brunilda Nazario, MD

1. What is serotonin?

Serotonin acts as a neurotransmitter, a type of chemical that helps relay signals from one area of the brain to another. Although serotonin is manufactured in the brain, where it performs its primary functions, some 90% of our serotonin supply is found in the digestive tract and in blood platelets.

2. How is serotonin made?

Serotonin is made via a unique biochemical conversion process. It begins with tryptophan, a building block to proteins. Cells that make serotonin use tryptophan hydroxylase, a chemical reactor which, when combined with tryptophan, forms 5-hydroxytryptamine, otherwise known as serotonin.

3. What role does serotonin play in our health?

As a neurotransmitter, serotonin helps to relay messages from one area of the brain to another. Because of the widespread distribution of its cells, it is believed to influence a variety of psychological and other body functions. Of the approximately 40 million brain cells, most are influenced either directly or indirectly by serotonin. This includes brain cells related to mood, sexual desire and function, appetite, sleep, memory and learning, temperature regulation, and some social behavior.

In terms of our body function, serotonin can also affect the functioning of our cardiovascular system, muscles, and various elements in the endocrine system. Researchers have also found evidence that serotonin may play a role in regulating milk production in the breast, and that a defect within the serotonin network may be one underlying cause of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).

4. What is the link between serotonin and depression?

There are many researchers who believe that an imbalance in serotonin levels may influence mood in a way that leads to depression. Possible problems include low brain cell production of serotonin, a lack of receptor sites able to receive the serotonin that is made, inability of serotonin to reach the receptor sites, or a shortage in tryptophan, the chemical from which serotonin is made. If any of these biochemical glitches occur, researchers believe it can lead to depression, as well as obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety, panic, and even excess anger.

One theory about how depression develops centers on the regeneration of brain cells -- a process that some believe is mediated by serotonin, and ongoing throughout our lives. According to Princeton neuroscientist Barry Jacobs, PhD, depression may occur when there is a suppression of new brain cells and that stress is the most important precipitator of depression. He believes that common antidepressant medications known as SSRIs, such as Celexa, Lexapro, Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft, which are designed to boost serotonin levels, help kick off the production of new brain cells, which in turn allows the depression to lift.

Although it is widely believed that a serotonin deficiency plays a role in depression, there is no way to measure its levels in the living brain. Therefore, there have not been any studies proving that brain levels of this or any neurotransmitter are in short supply when depression or any mental illness develops. Blood levels of serotonin are measurable -- and have been shown to be lower in people who suffer from depression – but researchers don't know if blood levels reflect the brain's level of serotonin.

Also, researchers don't know  whether the dip in serotonin causes the depression, or the depression causes serotonin levels to drop.

Although it is widely believed that a serotonin deficiency plays a role in depression, there is no way to measure its levels in the living brain. The

Antidepressant medications that work on serotonin levels  -- SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) and SNRIs (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors) -- are believed to reduce symptoms of depression, but exactly how they work is not yet fully understood.
5. Can diet influence our supply of serotonin?

It can, but in a roundabout way. Unlike calcium-rich foods, which can directly increase your blood levels of this mineral, there are no foods that can directly increase your body's supply of serotonin. That said, there are foods and some nutrients that can increase levels of tryptophan, the amino acid from which serotonin is made.

Protein-rich foods, such as meat or chicken, contain high levels of tryptophans. Tryptophan appears in dairy foods, nuts, and fowl. Ironically, however, levels of both tryptophan and serotonin drop after eating a meal packed with protein. Why? According to nutritionist Elizabeth Somer, when you eat a high-protein meal, you "flood the blood with both tryptophan and its competing amino acids," all fighting for entry into the brain. That means only a small amount of tryptophan gets through -- and serotonin levels don't rise.

But eat a carbohydrate-rich meal, and your body triggers a release of insulin. This, Somer says, causes any amino acids in the blood to be absorbed into the body -- but not the brain. Except for, you guessed it -- tryptophan! It remains in the bloodstream at high levels following a carbohydrate meal, which means it can freely enter the brain and cause serotonin levels to rise, she says.

What can also help: Getting an adequate supply of vitamin B-6, which can influence the rate at which tryptophan is converted to serotonin.

6. Can exercise boost serotonin levels?

Exercise can do a lot to improve your mood -- and across the board, studies have shown that regular exercise can be as effective a treatment for depression as antidepressant medication or psychotherapy. In the past, it was believed that several weeks of working out was necessary to see the effects on depression, but new research conducted at the University of Texas at Austin found that just a single 40-minute period of exercise can have an immediate effect on mood.

That said, it remains unclear of the exact mechanism by which exercise accomplishes this. While some believe it affects serotonin levels, to date there are no definitive studies showing that this is the case.

webmd.com

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Our coping skills vary ... how we react to pressure can mean the difference between functioning and incapacitated. 

Sleep, diet, exercise, time, patience and medical attention all contribute to the recovery process.

As I grow stronger and regain stability, I look forward to getting back to a more "normal" life ... working again and regaining confidence in my abilities and responsibilities.

e m p t i n e s s

I feel like a placeholder these days. I'm here in body, but my spirit is a numb, empty shell.

It's hard to do anything when all you feel is nothing.

I want to go back to work, but it may be hard without any spark.

The responsibilities and expectations of the world become overwhelming and paralyze me ... it drains me and I find myself shutting down.

Maybe the "fake it 'till you make it" approach might work. Just get back out there and put on a brave face ... suck it up and get on with it.

Right now, I just want to hide. Here at home it's safe ... comfortable ... easy ... simple. It's a good place to retreat from the cold, angry world.

There are some days when I feel like I am winning the battle ... but today is a struggle.

Despite my wanting to get healthy ASAP and get back to work, my doctor reminds me to be patient and perhaps wait for more consistent good days. I am disappointed, but can see that I may not be up to it just yet.

I will continue to work towards getting healthier and focus on rebuilding ...

the world can be an ugly place

It can make you want to hide ... withdraw ... escape.

It's the day after the Boston Marathon bombings ... one more reminder of how cold and cruel the world can be.

One doesn't have to look far to find the ugliness in the world ... just watch the news. If you listen to the news throughout the day, it can easily drag you down. I like to stay informed ... I know that knowledge is power, but consciously choosing to absorb all the things wrong with the world can be a destructive force in our life.

Call yourself a pessimist, a realist or an optimist ... I believe we find what we look for. If you want to believe the world is a bad place, you can easily find examples around to support your case.

I want to believe in the peacemakers, the healers and the teachers. I choose to focus on beauty, serenity and positivity.

Are there damaged, misguided people in the world? Absolutely. I know there are ... but I choose to look for the good. I have to ... I won't allow the negativity of the world bog me down.

I can understand how some can buckle under the pressure. I have felt the weight of the world and it can be crushing. It can make you feel like you want to stop the world and get off ... but there is no where to go.

Coping with stress ... pressure ... it can be a mammoth challenge for many of us. I don't want be one of those who allows it to take over their lives. I may be afflicted temporarily, but I'll be damned if I allow it to devastate me.

I choose to focus on the good, the caring, the thoughtful and the loving.

Beyond the clouds, I know the sun is shining.

I am stronger than this

Determination and self discipline are probably your greatest tools in the fight against depression.

The easiest thing to do is just give in and go along for the ride. Anyone can just take the easy route and surrender to the black dog, but if you want to recover, you have to make healthier choices.

It can be challenging at times to force yourself to take the high road, but the reward is knowing that you are taking back control. You are in charge of your destiny ... the sooner you work toward being stronger, the sooner you will be back in the sunshine.

Not every day will be victorious, but that's ok. Cut yourself a little slack on those days and focus on conquering destructive behaviours that may be sabotaging your well being.

Most of us are usually on a spiral journey ... either heading up toward health and happiness, or heading downward along the more destructive, unhealthy direction. The choices we make along the way on this spiral influence which direction we be headed toward.

Depression is a trip down the spiral ... but with time, support, determination and patience, we can return and begin heading back toward the healthier, happier side of things.

You have to want to ... and you have to find the strength to make healthier decisions.

Nothing worthwhile comes easily, and this is especially true with self discipline.

As I get stronger, I give myself permission to be proud of my victories. 
I am stronger than this. 

to be a man

As a male, many of us are expected to be towers of strength, powerful and steadfast ... so when I decided to go public on this blog about my depression, I knew there may be a few people around who might have a few raised eyebrows.

It can be difficult as a man to give ourselves permission to cry. It can be counter intuitive to embrace feelings. Society generally has a perception of a tearful male as weak. I believe it is likely unhealthy to deny feelings.

To carry on as if nothing is wrong may be reassuring to many, but it's a lie. To show ones vulnerable side may make some people uncomfortable, but that is merely a reflection of themselves.

I am not confined by preconceived notions of what a man "should" be. I strive to be a good male role model, dependable, intelligent and capable ... and while I may be temporarily on the sidelines, I know I will be back in the game soon.

As humans, we sometimes fall. Hopefully we are not down for too long ... but we have to get back up. In some ways, we have come a long way. I'm pretty sure 50 years ago anyone depressed would not have access to to the resources to heal properly.

Lately, life really has no passion ... no spark. I am stable, but numb. I guess it's better than teary and sad.

I have a little more energy than I did a couple of weeks ago ... not huffing and puffing when doing the stairs as much.

Every day I feel like I am climbing, bit by bit, out of that dark hole called depression. I think I am on track to go back to work in a couple of weeks ...

I feel good today

Centered ... relaxed ... calm.

The feeling of all is balanced and in harmony ... no aches or pains, no negative emotions ... just a stable, relaxed peace.

It's like I've been on a raft at sea, getting tossed and turned for many days, and today the water is calm.

I am quite fortunate to have the time, support and space to recover. It's a funny world we live in ... where stress and pressure, pain and tragedy can force you to retreat from that machine we call life.

Yesterday I switched meds. My homeopathy doctor had me on ClearDay for the last 3 weeks ... but I wasn't seeing any substantial improvement 9not to my liking, anyway). So yesterday I switched to my family doctors meds - Cymbalta. I believe it will take at least a week or two before they begin to do their thing.

But I wish I felt like this everyday. I am not a ball of energy ... but really- it's ok. I feel like today is a good tay to relax and bathe in the tranquility of this peace and calm.

It's funny how pain and anguish really have a way of making you appreciate feeling good so much more. The "ahhhh" of no discomfort ...the "mmmm" of peace and balance. Oh to be able to return to this at will, anytime one chooses.

Depression forces one to be selfish in a way, I guess. So I give myself permission to stop ... rest ... heal and rebuild. After all, I can't effectively help anyone else if I am weak and hurting ... and I DO want to help others and be a positive force in the world.

It feels so good today ...  to just be.

two steps forward, one step back

Today I am frustrated ... short on patience and angry. There is no good reason for any of it ... really ... but it is what is.

I really wanted to go back to work next week. I want to be healthy and back to being my old self again. I want to be positive and happy and helpful. Unfortunately, I went to see my doctor this morning and he has recommended a return date of May 15th ... uggghhh! I hope to go back AT LEAST a week earlier ... May 6th is my personal target date now.

I guess I need more patience. It probably wouldn't be a good idea for me to go back to work if I am angry and impatient. Working with children takes a lot of patience. It's frustrating ... I miss the kids and wish I could return to work. Until I can have more consistent good days, I guess it's for the best ... I have to listen to the doctor.

I am mad at the world today. I wish I could be happy and positive, but the world sucks.

I want to be a good role model for the kids, so I hope to conquer this soon. Right now, I kind of feel lost. I am lost in a labyrinth of blackness trying to find my way back to the light.

I am not a weak person. I am a strong, competent person who is just temporarily in need of a little help. I will be back in the game in a few weeks ... I know I will ...

Moving on

I can feel myself getting better. Yesterday was a good day and I am encouraged.

The brain is where it all goes down. When the brain is malfunctioning, bad things can happen. I am lucky to have the support I have to help me get my life back on track.

My disposition may be improved, but my energy and stamina seem to be still lacking. The tears have stopped, but I don't know what else I can do to return to a more active, productive state. Perhaps I will have to consult with my doctors about this one.

Letting go of some things can be very hard. It can take time to accept, consolidate, heal and move forward. And patience ... and support ... and understanding ...

Getting unstuck can be a big step forward in the depression process. It can be difficult to carry on when we are obsessing about an event that has impacted us greatly. It takes time and patience for this process to take it's natural course.

Living in the present is the only real way to function in any health, balanced, productive capacity. Living in the moment ... having the capacity and clarity to realize that we are here - now ... and our reality can be shaped by our choices ... our actions ... our ambitions.

Rejoice (we have no choice) ... we've got to carry on. We can allow events to pollute us, or we can choose to try. Who wants to spend their lives miserable, lost and wandering? I choose to try and do everything in my power to be a positive force in the world.

I don't want come out of this worse than before. I hope that a piece of me hasn't died and left me darker and colder. There may be some thing I don't have control over, but I believe we have the power to become who we want to become (to a large extent).

Even though I believe I am improving, I still have a great deal of dark, cold anger within me. I hope it won't stay with me a destructive aspect of my life.

I want begin reintegrating back into the workforce in one more week ... that is my goal. I hope to return (half time for the first week or two) and return into the real world. Energy and stamina are currently my biggest challenges.

Challenges

I want to recover. I want to be back at work, being productive and active. I want to feel healthy again.

This episode of depression has forced me to withdraw from life and reduce the routine expectations most of us take care of daily (the rat race).

It has forced me to be selfish and press the pause button. It has forced me to simplify, minimize and reduce stressful elements in my life while I try to consolidate the contributing factors of the source of my depression and reevaluate certain aspects of life and the world.

I feel disabled, incompetent and so overwhelmed I just shut down. My whole world has been derailed and am forced to take a time out.

I can't help others ... I can barely help myself at times. I have no choice but to take the time to rest, heal and rebuild. Some days I am extremely impatient and angry, and know that it's best just to limit my contact to others.

How I have been coping with certain aspects of my depression

Getting Overwhelmed
Things get neglected and pile up fairly quickly ... I really have to space tasks out and break things down to "bite size" portions. Cleaning up or self grooming right now become harder to do, yet still need to be done, so I "chip away" at tasks until they are done.

Energy & Stamina
It surprises me that I get out of breath just using the stairs right now. I have always thought of myself as a relatively healthy, active adult ... volleyball, cycling, quality sleep and a healthy diet should make me energetic, competent and capable ... yet, right now I can become exhausted quickly and need to rest.

I force myself to walk almost every day. It may be just a couple of times around the block, but I know it's important to get exercise. On some days, if I am totally drained and incapacitated, I might have no choice and have to park and recharge. On good days, I take advantage of my capacity and push myself to try to regain some momentum and stamina.

It's important to make every effort to eat properly, get enough sleep, and try to stay active despite the depression.

Emotional Stability
Sadness ... anger ... these emotions have interfered with my disposition in the past few weeks. I am hoping to regain some stability with time. As of  late, I think I am getting better. I suspect rest, the meds are beginning to help, and the passage of time has helped me recuperate. Talking with my psychologist has also probably assisted in the process.

Things are a little inconsistent these days ... good days, bad days ... I don't know how long it will be until there are mostly better, healthy days. Even the "good" days are pretty substandard right now.

Mindset
It can be a very dark thing this depression. At times, it can be crippling sad ... at other times one can feel anger and rage - mad at the whole world. I am now at the point where I know the importance of trying think positive where possible ... but some days I have trouble getting past this - and I can be paralyzed ... mired in this back tar of hopeless, discouraging sadness.

Much of our health can be greatly influenced by our attitude ... I am going try my best to work on healthier thoughts.

Spirit 
The events that triggered my depression have prompted me to reevaluate my world and humans. This process will likely continue over the next few weeks ... currently things are pretty discouraging and black. On some days I find it difficult consolidate these thoughts and can be difficult to continue with "business as usual". Again, the key to getting productive again may lie in trying to focus on the positives  and "fake it 'till you make it". I don't know if all of this will change me and perhaps make me a less positive person in the bigger picture.

There are days where I hate the world, and I know I am in need of solutions ... but currently, none are visible.

Control
Trying to choose your attitude has always been something I believed in, so my current apparent lack of choice in being a positive person is frustrating. I have a lot of support behind me with the recovery process, but in the end I wonder how much influence I will have in who I am as time passes. I don't want be a grumpy old man ... but some of the events that have recently unfolded definitely have made me think differently. Perhaps a few more sessions with the psychologist will help me sort out some of the challenging issues that have got my world reeling currently.

Some things that (for the most part) ARE in my control -
news ... I am trying to minimize bad news, drama and negativity ... it only feeds the dark ugliness that consumes me
diet ... (MOST of the time) trying to make good choices ... comfort foods (like pizza) can become an unavoidable temptation that I may be too weak to resist on some days, but for most days I know that a healthy diet will speed recovery
sleep ... I make every effort to try to stay in a healthy routine and get adequate rest

In the end, perhaps with time, patience and perseverance I hope to find balance and some form of coping with this ugly black cloud that has invaded my life. I hope to find a way to see sunshine again, and perhaps enjoy joy and happiness again ... but right now, I'm just an angry old man ... short on patience and trying just to get through the day ...

Perspective Reevaluation

Feeling a little discouraged with the human race today

For the longest time, I wanted to believe the world was good. Life was good. People were good. These past few weeks, I am starting to think that people are like sheep. They are week, profit driven, and stupid.

We have polluted our world and continue to do so recklessly.

We allow greedy corporations to brainwash us as they peddle their cancerous goods, and we just keep supporting them.

Please ... tell me I'm wrong. Show me that people are smarter and are not as foolish as I think they are. The notion that humans are fully aware that the sugary, nitrate laden foods they are eating will bring them health problems, and the continue to not only consume them, but promote them to others ... that's insane.  It can't be true ... it's unfathomable to me that people are that stupid.

Is this really the world we live in? Cancer ... heart disease ... diabetes ... obesity ... just because we want to "enjoy" life ... because it tastes good and dammed be the consequences?

We are willing to sacrifice everything for the selfish pleasures afforded to us by the death merchants? We are just standing here, smiling and swallowing this bitter pill?

Please tell me I am wrong. I refuse to believe that people can be that stupid.

I WANT TO BE A HAPPY, POSITIVE PERSON. How can I be a happy, positive person with the knowledge that there are so many people in the world making poor decisions?

Now, I know the big, greedy corporations are mainly responsible for this. They go to any and all lengths to keep the profits rolling in ... despite the consequences to OUR health ... but still, the notion that we continue to allow them to keep doing this to us ... I am having great difficulty consolidating all of this.

Yes ... we are creatures of habit. Yes ... we get in our comfortable grooves and it's easier - simpler to just keep doing what we've been doing. But I can't believe that once armed with the knowledge of what is healthy and what is not, we are so weak that we just keep allowing these destructive things to pollute our bodies and our world.

It is killing our friends and loved ones ... it is preventable and ridiculous ...

People continue to normalize these sugary, deep fried, unhealthy treats every day ... everywhere. Fat and happy ... many of us justify our excess weight with cutesy posters trying to glorify the excess weight, with no mention of health. We post food porn on FaceBook & Pinterest, share recipes to further spread the garbage everywhere possible ...

Refined white sugar, genetically modified gluten filled wheat, processed nitrate laden meats ... we keep eating them and even celebrating them, even though they are as harmful as cigarettes ...

Is ignorance bliss? Is the key to happiness the ability to stay sleeping in that numbness our society has become? Am I to simply disregard these injustices and carry on as if all was well and good?

Is the problem free will? Perhaps the answer lies in more legislation ... obviously people are not strong enough or smart enough to make smarter choices ...

Our greedy, profit driven world has produced cancer, disease, pain and misery ... and yet most of just keep right on doing what we've always been doing.

I DON'T LIKE WHAT I SEE HERE.

control ... (or more precisely LACK OF)

The past couple weeks, I've found that one of the most troubling things happening is a lack of control. Little or no control over emotions, self discipline, attitude, productivity ... It's unsettling and a little disturbing.

I learned, not long ago, that for the most part we can choose our attitude. I guess that applies to most of us -most of the time ... when we are healthy and centred. It certainly doesn't seem to apply to me right now.

I seem to have slipped into "seek comfort" mode at times. Instead of getting exercise, I am hiding on the couch. Instead of eating healthy, nutritious food, I am sneaking pizza. Some days, I am doing the bare minimum ...

It's kind of pathetic really ... AND poor timing - it's spring ... I'm eating too much unhealthy foods and inactive ... UGHHH

Seeking comfort in food can be a dangerous thing, especially if you were obese in your early years. It's a slippery slope ... you eat something bad, then cravings for other bad things increase and self control goes out the window ...

. . . m u s t . . . s t o p . . . E A T I N G . . .

Depression really ends up put one in a downward spiral ... health begins to suffer, self esteem takes a beating, spirit sinks, enthusiasm dwindles to nothing ... very destructive forces. I hope there will be a silver lining in this somewhere down the line.

Oh - and watch out for RETAIL THERAPY ... I have found myself - a couple of times- spending money on stupid things ... Again - self control and good judgement seem to be taking a holiday ...

And then there's the drugs. I wish I could avoid the meds and heal on my own, but the sooner I get back to being me, the better. Janice deserves better, my school needs me and I certainly want to recover for my own sake ASAP. I also can't help but wonder if the drugs interfere in some ways with the natural process of the whole depression process. I started meds almost 2 weeks ago ... hope they kick in soon.

I've got 3 doctors (and my wonderful supportive wife) helping through this ugliness. My naturopath has started me off with her assistance, my psychologist is talking with me and my family doctor is also there for me. My friends (you) have also been very supportive ... I am very fortunate to have all these resource to help me get back on my feet.

f R a g i L e

I am not much for drama. I have had my fair share in my travels and have purposely come to a place in my life where there is much less unnecessary drama. There are times when it seems to be unavoidable ... one may not like it, but less desirable emotions make their presence known despite efforts to suppress them.

Most of the time I am a stable, dependable guy. A rock. These days ... not so much. I often feel weak, vulnerable and unstable. I don't like it, but I suspect embracing it is likely healthier than trying to deny it.

As a male I have been taught to be strong ...  a force in the world. I am expected to be "manly". I guess this vulnerable state really has nothing to do with gender ... but many men probably have a harder time with it.

I don't want to cry, but my body apparently does (wether I like it or not).

As a male, public tears are embarrassing ... uncomfortable ... they show weakness and instability ...

A couple of weeks ago, while at work, I would leave the classroom to hide in the bathroom for crying spells. Then, I cried in front of some staff in the staff room. I couldn't hold back the tears in the vice-principals office either when I spotted the word "strength" behind him ... I felt so incapable, so incompetent ... definitely WITHOUT strength.

The tears can be emotionally draining ... exhausting on some occasions ... I know it's just temporary, but I truly look forward to sunnier days. It's not everyday ... yesterday was a pretty good day ... but today - right now I am not as strong as I wish I could be.

I also wonder if this will change me. I hope that I will return to positivity. I hope that this blackness ... the sadness, tears and anger will all pass, and I will come back to happiness.

As time passes, I know that there will be more good days and less bad days. I know patience and time will give way to recovery ... healing ...